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| Column: Special foundation rates for bedbug cures |
HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody?
The San Francisco Examiner reported Friday the U.S. faces the worst bedbug outbreak in 60 years in hotels, apartments and dorms. The infestation has reached plague levels. Bill Clinton just announced that his foundation will sell the cure at a discount to African nations.
President Obama spent Labor Day relaxing at Camp David on Monday. It's the most relaxing holiday on the political calendar. Labor Day is a day where Democrats celebrate the labor movement at softball picnics and where Republicans exchange work shirts as gag gifts.
Monday, September 06, 2010
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| Column: Hurricane Earl comes in many forms |
HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody?
Hurricane Earl roared toward oceanfront homes from North Carolina to Maryland Wednesday. Paintings and jewelry and fine rugs and clothing could blow everywhere. Last week Democrats called Hurricane Katrina a man-made disaster and this week Republicans are calling Earl just another one of Obama's spread-the-wealth programs.
Sunday, September 05, 2010
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| Save time when filling out online forms |
Q: How about some tips to make Internet surfing easier?
A: A while ago we discussed using your mouse's middle button to open a web page in a new tab so you wouldn't lose your place upon your return. Well, here's a trick that will make filling out forms much easier.
At one time or another you have all completed forms where you might request some information from a website, ask to be placed on a newsletter, etc.
Saturday, September 04, 2010
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| Column: 72 virgins aren't always a good thing |
Al-Qaida repeated its vow to suicide bombers that 72 virgins await them in Paradise if they martyr themselves for jihad. It's more likely the 72 virgins are 72 angry Catholic nuns who used to teach in Catholic schools waiting with baseball bats.
(2 comments)
Friday, September 03, 2010
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| Column: Paris Hilton is down to a one-star rating |
Paris Hilton was arrested in Las Vegas for cocaine possession last weekend when coke fell out of her purse while a cop was busting her for pot. Her family is fed up. The Hilton Family Foundation just offered Paris ten million dollars to change her name to Motel Six.
(1 comments)
Thursday, September 02, 2010
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| The Big Fix |
Spaying/neutering humanely solves homeless pet problem
Wednesday, September 01, 2010
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| Column: Gum is worse than drugs in Hollywood |
Paris Hilton was busted for cocaine in Las Vegas Friday when a cop saw coke in her purse while he was arresting her for smoking pot. She said she thought it was chewing gum. She could be run out of Los Angeles for not knowing that chewing gum is bad for your teeth.
Wednesday, September 01, 2010
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| Column: California getting its laws crossed |
God bless America, and how's everybody?
Arizona Governor Jan Brewer asked a U.S. court to revive Arizona's crackdown law on illegal aliens. It's causing chaos in the courts. In Los Angeles Friday two guys from Mexico showed up in court for their deportation hearing and the judge married them.
Monday, August 30, 2010
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| Column: Frogs aren't scary; they're for kissing |
California's Department of Health added pet frogs which people keep at home to the list of suspects for the salmonella outbreak. They're the latest rage. People are buying frogs at pet stores and kissing them hoping they'll turn into a job with benefits.
The U.N. Human Rights Council lectured the U.S. on refugee treatment Wednesday. We aren't so bad. Yesterday only two detentions were reported worldwide, the first guy was a Cuban who failed to escape to the United States and the second guy was a Mexican who succeeded.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
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| Column: Magician's biggest trick is profitability |
The Las Vegas Tourism and Convention Bureau said Tuesday that Las Vegas hotels will offer record-low room and show prices this fall. The magicians are astoundingly talented. David Copperfield now closes each show by selling his house.
Friday, August 27, 2010
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| Seniors for Seniors program benefits both pets and people |
I was recently struck by a Journal of the American Geriatrics Society (March 1999) article explaining the importance of elderly citizens having a pet or two. The article highlights the benefits for the elderly, their pets and society as a whole.
(4 comments)
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
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| Column: Airlines now charging for hypothetical tickets |
American Airlines began charging extra for earlier seating in coach Monday. It just never ends. Last night a guy went online thinking about booking a flight on American and they charged him one hundred dollars for thinking about booking a flight.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
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| Column: Call it a push between Clemens, feds |
HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody?
Roger Clemens was indicted Thursday for telling the U.S. government he never did steroids. The very same day the Iraq War ended, which began when the U.S. government told Roger Clemens that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction. Let's just call it even.
Monday, August 23, 2010
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| Column: Was it the booze voting back in DC? |
BEVERLY HILLS - God bless America, and how's everybody?
Jack Daniel's launched a campaign to recognize the whiskey's place in Washington D.C. lore. Lyndon Johnson used to serve it regularly to senators. Nobody knows how many Southern Democrats voted for the Civil Rights Act thinking it was a water project.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
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| Column: Most men worship at the same altar |
The Pew Research poll said one-fifth of Americans think Barack Obama is Muslim and a third think he's Christian. He has the exact same religion George W. Bush has. Three times a day he drops to his knees on a carpet and tunes into Sports Center.
Friday, August 20, 2010
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| Obama an impartial judge in global contest |
HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody?
Ryder Cup captain Corey Pavin revealed Monday he may add Tiger Woods to the U.S. Ryder Cup team next month. The format is the U.S. vs. the World. President Obama was asked to serve as referee since he's made it clear he doesn't have a dog in this fight.
(1 comments)
Thursday, August 19, 2010
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| Yavapai Humane Society launches S.T.A.R. program for animals with special medical needs |
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
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| Column: Mel Gibson's curse word supply running low |
Mel Gibson lost control of his Maserati while driving in Malibu Sunday evening and the car veered into a hillside. He was very upset at the car but nothing was caught on audiotape. By the time the police arrived he'd run out of Italian slurs.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
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| Column: Deficit finally pays off with free game |
HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody?
The Weather Channel aired video of a spectacular thunderstorm in Washington, D.C., Thursday with 600 lightning strikes. Power transformers exploded on telephone poles all over town. Apparently the deficit finally hit the number that won us a free game.
Monday, August 16, 2010
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| Column: Republicans choose socialism when they want |
House Democrats ripped the White House Thursday for not pushing a single-payer health bill. The GOP painted it as socialism. Republicans believe any form of outside assistance is socialism with the exception of Social Security and golf handicaps.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
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