1/7/2013 9:53:00 PM Column: It is halftime for the Cold War - switch!
ARGUS HAMILTON Syndicated Columnist
God bless America, and how's everybody?
French star Gerard Depardieu became a Russian citizen Friday to escape the West's high taxes on the rich. He left to enjoy Russia's low flat tax. Apparently the Cold War didn't end 25 years ago, it was just halftime and at halftime the teams switch sides and defend the opposite goalposts.
Minneapolis Airport cops arrested an American Eagle pilot for testing drunk Friday morning. Ten-thousand pilots are tested at work each year. The air traffic controllers ordered him to abort takeoff 30 seconds into the air after he forgot to board the plane.
Hawaii Democrat Tulsi Gabbard became the first Hindu in Congress Thursday. Most religions have an invisible God but Hindus pray to a hot chick with nine arms playing the sitar. No one knows which is the true religion but we know which one's got the best pot.
MedBox has introduced a vending machine that will dispense marijuana in states where pot sales are now legal. Talk about irony. There was a time when the pot came from Mexico and the Twinkies were in the vending machine, now it's the other way around.
Downton Abbey opened its third season on Masterpiece Theatre Sunday. It's a drama of the long-ago British aristocracy and their servants. The morning after each episode, Republicans arrive on Capitol Hill more focused on their goals and willing to fight for them.
Al Gore sold his Current TV to the Arabic network Al Jazeera for $500 million Thursday. He sold his progressive, liberal network to a network that's funded by oil money. Dick Cheney was on hand at the escrow office to welcome Al to the Dark Side.
President Obama signed an executive order Tuesday making it easy for illegal aliens with relatives in the U.S. to stay here. This is an entirely new policy. It would replace the current way with which we control the flow of illegal aliens from Mexico - the honor system.
The Pentagon began enforcing its new maximum weight rules for soldiers Thursday and started kicking people out of the Army for being obese. It's amazing. Back in the '60s, you had to go to Canada to get out of the Army, now you just have to go to Taco Bell.
President Obama signed his tax increase into law by auto-pen from Hawaii, the same day the Justice Department dropped its suit against Google. Of course they did. Why would Dems sue a high-tech company that allows them to raise taxes from Oahu?
Speaker John Boehner angered GOP conservatives Tuesday by allowing tax hikes on the rich to be passed. They say he surrendered without firing a shot. His defenders say it was a shortened work week, and a short work week makes everybody feel a little French.
Hillary Clinton's life as a young House staffer on the Watergate Committee will be made into a movie called Rodham. She was always bright. When Nixon announced that he had a mysterious leg ailment that kept him from testifying to Congress about his role in the White House cover-up, Hillary wrote it down like she was stealing a joke for future use.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. Email him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.